so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
