Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
