youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
love makes seman taste better
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
