Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I could fuck to npr.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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