I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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