come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
