She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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