hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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