Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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