dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
