I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
