I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
