I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
