maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
