I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
