Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
