he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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