our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Even my vagina gasped.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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