He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
