apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
