im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's Friday. Sex?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
