the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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