I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
