so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
