and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"it" just moved
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
