just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
