Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
