i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
