The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
be right there i have to get my cape
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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