ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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