i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
