Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My ass is underappreciated
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
