1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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