Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
