I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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