She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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