if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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