I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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