Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
