Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
