I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
