How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
