he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
