Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
