I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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