I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this will be a night to untag.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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