It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
