I must be too annoying 4 u.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
