Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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