I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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