Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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