Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
