i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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