if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
