Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
