got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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