the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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