i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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