Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
