I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
