It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
