so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
