Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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